How Would You Answer the 'Talking Pineapple' Question?

Recently a New York State standardized test posed a question that makes about as much sense as the statement "Goats are like mushrooms. If you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters" (PS: the picture from this link is hilarious).

Students, teachers, and parents all were baffled at this bizarre question on the state exams, which seems impossible to answer.

NY Daily News had the story, and multiple choice answers...... The Pineapple and the Hare ...

In the olden times, animals could speak English, just like you and me. There was a lovely enchanted forest that flourished with a bunch of these magical animals. One day, a hare was relaxing by a tree. All of a sudden, he noticed a pineapple sitting near him.
The hare, being magical and all, told the pineapple, “Um, hi.” The pineapple could speak English too.
“I challenge you to a race! Whoever makes it across the forest and back first wins a ninja! And a lifetime’s supply of toothpaste!” The hare looked at the pineapple strangely, but agreed to the race.
The next day, the competition was coming into play. All the animals in the forest (but not the pineapples, for pineapples are immobile) arranged a finish/start line in between two trees. The coyote placed the pineapple in front of the starting line, and the hare was on his way.
Everyone on the sidelines was bustling about and chatting about the obvious prediction that the hare was going to claim the victory (and the ninja and the toothpaste). Suddenly, the crow had a revolutionary realization.
“AAAAIEEH! Friends! I have an idea to share! The pineapple has not challenged our good companion, the hare, to just a simple race! Surely the pineapple must know that he CANNOT MOVE! He obviously has a trick up his sleeve!” exclaimed the crow.
The moose spoke up.
“Pineapples don’t have sleeves.”
“You fool! You know what I mean! I think that the pineapple knows we’re cheering for the hare, so he is planning to pull a trick on us, so we look foolish when he wins! Let’s sink the pineapple’s intentions, and let’s cheer for the stupid fruit!” the crow passionately proclaimed. The other animals cheered, and started chanting, “FOIL THE PLAN! FOIL THE PLAN! FOIL THE PLAN!”
A few minutes later, the hare arrived. He got into place next to the pineapple, who sat there contently. The monkey blew the tree-bark whistle, and the race began! The hare took off, sprinting through the forest, and the pineapple ...
It sat there.
The animals glanced at each other blankly, and then started to realize how dumb they were. The pineapple did not have a trick up its sleeve. It wanted an honest race — but it knew it couldn’t walk (let alone run)!
About a few hours later, the hare came into sight again. It flew right across the finish line, still as fast as it was when it first took off. The hare had won, but the pineapple still sat at his starting point, and had not even budged.
The animals ate the pineapple.

Here are two of the questions:
1. Why did the animals eat the pineapple?
a. they were annoyed
b. they were amused
c. they were hungry
d. they wanted to

2. Who was the wisest?
a. the hare
b. moose
c. crow
d. owl
WTF?! How is an 8th grader supposed to answer this question, let alone anyone? Jeopardy champion Ken Jennings had a pretty good answer, which I agree with completely.

Personally, if I were to answer this, I would put a giant "x" on both of the questions posed, then proceed to write my own answers.

I would say the hare was definitely the wisest animal, and there was no owl in the story, so option "d" is irrelevant. Also, the pineapple is a fruit, not an animal - why in this story do they insinuate the pineapple is also an animal? I would then proceed to elaborate on the fact it was really stupid of an immobile fruit to challenge a hare to a race when it clearly can't move, and it deserved to get eaten for being so dumb. On top of all of the other absurdity, why would an immobile pineapple have it's very own ninja, and a lifetime supply of toothpaste? If the pineapple indeed had a ninja, then why didn't the ninja protect him from being eaten by the animals? I would also say that whoever wrote "The Pineapple and the Hare" was definitely under the influence of drugs, most likely Jenkem, and needs to go on Intervention before he (or she) is allowed to write again.

How would you answer this question?

via NY Daily News

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